Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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