I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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