if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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