Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
