i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
