pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
