I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
