sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
