What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I didn't notice because vodka
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
