he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
