i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
