either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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