I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
