I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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