I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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