I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
