Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
