____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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