HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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