Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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