i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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