i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
