I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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