my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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