Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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