found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
