But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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