the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
it glows. i had to have it.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
