I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
where are my eyebrows?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
