SEEEEXXX PLEASE
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
