plz talk dirty to me
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
