ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
