we should wear snuggies to the strip club
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
