i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
