You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
