I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
