When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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