I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
