Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
