My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
