smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
