I can text with my tongue
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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