Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
