So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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