i jhust puked up my retainher.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
