so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
