why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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