Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
