and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
what is it with giant penises always finding me
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
