I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
‪He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life‬
Randomize
