Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I need moral support for this bender
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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