That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
he laminated a picture of his dick.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
