the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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